My dear,

Truthfully, I think about the first line you wrote, and I can’t get beyond it, “My life is good, but I am suffering.”

Let’s start with being happy that your life is good. How wonderful! What makes it that way? Good friends? Close relationships? Financial security? Simple everyday joy? This is a great beginning to your question.

But then you write that despite that, you are suffering, and that sounds very very very difficult. Suffering for no concrete reason, not being happy even though everything seems good. Your soul is not finding its place and is suffering, and doesn’t know why. That’s tough.

This suffering can have various causes that are worth knowing, and maybe some of them can even be solved. Such existential suffering, in which things simply feel out of place, can be temporary, resulting from times that are less stable than usual, such as the Covid-19 year, which reminded us how little control we actually have over what happens in the world. The cause could be a person close to us, who is suddenly distant, or a family crisis or other event that upsets our equilibrium and sends us wandering aimlessly in a world of puzzlement and lack of satisfaction. It could also be something deeper, and not so transitory, such as the amount of space you had as a child or adolescent, to express yourself and to be you, or perhaps the parenting style and education you experienced were too strict or had no boundaries at all.

One thing certain is that you’re going through a tough time just now. Another sure thing is that you are the one who can give yourself the best answers – both the answers to the question of the source of all this, and the answers to what you really want from yourself.

Maybe start with the issue of the occupation you presented in your question. Choosing to work at something you love is very important. Perhaps it would be very helpful to sit down with the words you wrote, “My life is good,” and write about what is behind those words. What makes your life good? Maybe that understanding will shed light on what makes you happy, and the next stage will be to find an academic field or occupation connected with those things. I think that drawing up such a list, and not all sorts of aptitude tests, will help you peel back a few layers of your personality and you just might find the answers to who you are and what you want to be.

Another possibility is to think about what is triggering your suffering. Newspaper headlines? Your behavior, or things that you said? Existential thoughts on the nature of the universe? I recommend that you discuss all these with a therapist. Not a counselor who will answer your questions from within her world, but someone who will guide you to listen to what you are saying from within your own world!

Also, from what you wrote, you are feeling anxious every day, and are concerned about the future. This anxiety is preventing your from living at peace with yourself and from making decisions. You need therapy to deal with this. What kind of therapy? The most recommended therapy for anxiety is CBT – cognitive behavioral therapy. The simplest explanation of this therapy is that it teaches you to cope with harmful cognitive mechanisms, and to change them. A word of caution, however – there are a lot of therapists with insufficient experience out there, so the best choice for this therapy would be a psychologist or social worker with expertise in this field.

I wish you all the success in the world and that you will find the answers to your questions on your own, and will feel good about yourself.

Noam